Every year at the Edinburgh Fringe they produce a list of the funniest jokes – I’ve been to the fringe several times and picking out the best can’t be an easy job.
The best jokes were chosen by a panel of critics who sat through an average of 60 comedy performances at the fringe – about 3,600 minutes of material. Each member then submitted their five best jokes and three worst joke nominations, which were put to 2,000 people with no reference to the comedians who told them.
Masai Graham’s joke (top one below) was named funniest by 27% of the poll’s respondents.
“My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart” – Masai Graham
“Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one…” – Stuart Mitchell
“I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10” – Mark Watson
“Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit” – Mark Smith
“I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second” – Will Duggan
“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated” – Tiff Stevenson
“I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words” – Gary Delaney
“Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor” – Adele Cliff
“Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” – Annie McGrath
“Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask” – Jordan Brookes
“Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first” – Michelle Wolf
“I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound” – Roger Swift
“Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer” – Arthur Smith
“I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses” – Zoe Lyons
“Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word” –Phil Nicol
Pretty good list I think – my own favourites are the ‘Ikea’, ‘happily married’ and the ones about ‘home’ and ‘Canadians’. Also ‘rich’, ‘schizophrenia’ and ‘contacts’.
Which is pretty much all of them – I told you this wasn’t easy to choose just one didn’t I?
This one didn’t make the final list, but I think it should have done –
“I’ve made a terrible spelling mistake in the wedding order of service. My stepfather, of course, is a COUNT’” Anna Morris
I think Tim Vine won last year.
If you’ve never been to the Fringe you really should get out to Edinburgh more – if only for a laugh!