I realise that I have scribbled a lot of posts here recently with the express intention of ripping the piss out of new rugby equipment. I fully appreciate that you may be a trifle fed up with this and there comes a time when it has to stop,
This isn’t that time!
A new boot (pictured above) has just been launched and the ludicrous claims for how it can change your game are up there with Eric Pickles advice on healthy eating.
‘3D control pads maximize the area where the ball comes into contact with the shoe, giving you an edge when it comes to passing and receiving.’
Am I missing something here? Has the game changed so much since I played? (well, it has actually, but that’s beside the point).
Since when did the things on your feet help you with shipping it on? – or indeed catching the bastard? It’s a pity these beauties weren’t around when I was – I could have used some help trying to catch the slippery leather thing with a lace hanging out that weighed several kilos more than a medicine ball. Although we had no idea what a kilo was back then to be fair.
But I’m being a bit churlish – there is one innovation on this boot that can trace its heritage back to the time of Lord Nelson.
The decks on HMS Victory were painted red so that the blood from any sailor mutilated by those horrid Spanish cannonballs didn’t show up and it helped discourage the other bods from diving overboard.
Voila (or whatever that is in Spanish) – a boot with red studs and sole.
Ideal, for a front row forward who hates cleaning the gore off his boots after a bit of hard shoe shuffling in the ruck. Just perfect for a lock who feels obliged to stamp his authority on a game and goes a bit pale at the sign of spilled claret.
Also there will be no trace of evidence that a ref can use to identify the culprit – apart from the stupid colour it’s a win win situation.
The description does not credit Christian Louboutin with the idea and it may seem a little unlikely he was involved in the design – but if Land Rover can use Posh to design a fucking off roader – is it so far-fetched?
Hands up who’d like to see a see- through Tigers shirt designed by Jean Pierre Gautier or the Sharks in flared shorts by Issey Miyake?
No – I thought not!