Everyone was given an unexpected Christmas present this year when the price of crude (nudge nudge) fell and the petrol prices fell at the pumps (nudge again!).
Well I have been given an even bigger surprise – the Ministry of petroleum Resources in Nigeria have allocated me $12 million because “some corrupt officials in the finance department holding onto your the funds for their own interest.”
Bit of luck eh? Especially as I have fuck all to do with any “foreign Companies and Individual contractors” employed by the Ministry.
From: Ministry Of Petroleum Resources [mailto:juan@Kenpol.com]
Sent: 28 December 2014 02:40
Subject: RE:DELIVERY OF YOUR FUND
From: Mr. Danladi Kifasi
Director: Ministry Of Petroleum Resources Payment Remittance Center ABUJA Nigeria
This letter is from Ministry Of Petroleum Resources Payment Remittance Center a Financial Service Authority under the direct supervision of the Ministry of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria/in Conjunction with the United States Of America Government.
This body was set up to discover and take over and appropriate outstanding Accrued Interest from Financial transactions that was done with the NNPC (Nigeria National Petroleum Company) with foreign Companies and Individual contractors.
You have been passing through a lot of difficulties in seeing to the release of this fund, this has been the handwork of some corrupt officials in the finance department holding onto your the funds for their own interest.
You are hereby informed that a part payment of TWELVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$12M) has been approved yesterday.
It will interest you to know that this discovery is of utmost urgency and a mandate has been given to this body by the Ministry Of Petroleum Resources Payment Remittance Center to ensure that this fund gets to you without any delay.
Note that a special payment arrangement has been made with our Escrow Agent to deliver the said fund to your home address or alternatively come in person to our payment outlet center in Africa to sign the release payment of your fund.
You are hereby advised to urgently furnish to this office with your detailed information to enable us open up communication with you regarding the release of your fund immediately.
The nfomation required from you to enable us process your payment is as follows.
(1) Your Full Name:
(2) Residential Address:
(3) Phone, Fax and Cell Phone Number:
(4) Your Private Email address:
(6) Company Name:
You are to forward your information to this e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org
You are advised to contact us immediately with the above requested information for further details.
Mr. Danladi Kifasi
Director:Ministry Of Petroleum Resources Payment Remittance Center
Okay so the spelling and grammar is a bit crap – although I only know this from the annoying wavy red and green lines that Google spellcheck sticks all over any text. However, before you accuse me of being a total Muppet and suggest that this is spam, let me tell you that I was, indeed, at first a tad suspicious of this rather exciting communication.
So I googled the Ministry and it does actually exist – moreover, so does Mr Danladi Kifasi. So, not so green as Kermit now eh?
The only teeny problem is that Danladi has not been the permanent secretary to the Ministry since last August – whilst the e-mail was sent yesterday!
But, no problem, it turns out the bloke is now even more of a top banana as he has been made Head of Service for the Federation. This apparently makes him numero uno bod in Nigeria’s Civil (sic) Service.
So I was rather tending to giving him the hurry up and about to claim my $ millions.
Imagine my disappointment when I found out that he was indicted for corruption in 2000 and barred from ever holding public office. http://www.osundefender.org/?p=182330 I guess he must have been given a pardon or something, although it must have been a bit serious, as to be actually convicted of corruption in Nigeria takes some bloody doing I can tell you!
I find it rather ironic that he was appointed to his new post by the ‘capo du tutti capi’ in Nigeria – Mr Goodluck Jonathan.
Just when I thought I had a bit of good luck too!