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The first item on the news today was the publication of the salaries paid by the BBC to their ‘talent’.

I’m guessing that the poor sods in the Cornwall village that was almost swept away probably had other things to worry about.

Still I’m surprised that this disaster was trumped in the headlines by the important announcement that the ability to read and sport an inane grin  can get you a serious load of wedge.

I am prepared to have a go at this reading of what’s going on – especially if someone else has taken the trouble to scribble it out and then shove it on idiot cards for me.

I’d also be happy to pop along for a free VIP seat at a football match and let people know what’s going on down on the pitch – piece of cake when the viewers can see perfectly well for themselves exactly who is kicking the crap out of who (or should that be whom?)

I could even chat about games that finished some hours ago too without too much effort. I appreciate that my liberal use of expletives would patently knock down my value to around £100k a year (although I would expect some exes and free togs, obviously).

I’m not much kop at interviewing to be honest, but I’d have no trouble insulting the odd tennis player for a few hundred grand a year.

At a push I could probably stick a few records on and talk bollox for an hour or so with some mates – Harro could easily do the traffic – he drives like a nutter and for some bizarre reason finds Clarkson amusing.

Farrelly would do the sport bit – well as long as he doesn’t go on about bleeding Millwall all the time.

And I’d have Airdy doing the weather – he lives in Portugal and he could say ‘scorchio’ every half hour whilst sloshing back litres of Sauvignon Blanc.

Last year the Beeb spent almost £1 billion on wages – some £200 million of which was on ‘talent’.

No wonder they can’t afford to show any ‘live’ rugby!

However there is an easy solution – sack all the blokes and give their jobs to the articulate Doris’ – this would work perfectly, especially since they seem to think it’s okay to pay them less anyway.

This is a win- win idea – for the Corporation, licence payers and all the Doris’ who are currently being ripped off.

Simples!

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