Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.
Once upon a time there was a girl called May who lived in a cottage with a big black door. She didn’t like the ghastly poor people in the village and ordered PC Plod to always be in front with his shiny sub machine gun to stop her having to talk to them.
May loved to play outside and sit under her very special tree at the bottom of the garden. She was sad though – she had no friends at all.
This was probably because she had told all the poor people that it was an ordinary willow and not a magic money tree.
The one day a girl came along who actually wanted to be friends with May – her name was Arlene.
Oh what fun they had playing and they made up a nasty game that let them be in charge of all the villages everywhere.
May even told Arlene about the magic tree.
May was so desperate to keep Arlene as her horrid friend that she gave her all the money and said bollocks to the poor people who started to weep, just like the willow! Jesus Wept!
The End (of integrity and hope)