Money to Burn

I’ve been eagerly going over all the new fivers I’ve picked up, trying to see if one of them is worth a lot more wonga than the number printed on the front

Obviously I haven’t found one or I’d be sitting on a tropical beach somewhere, chugging a cold one and snorting some class A drugs off that Doris from ‘Debbie does Dallas’ –  instead of scribbling this garbage.

The Bank of England (or whoever knocks these things out) has stated that the new fivers are indestructible, which seems to be a bonus if you are in the habit of leaving them in your kecks on washday.

Naturally there are some twats who take the adjective ‘indestructible’ as some sort of challenge and have set about trying to see if it is possible to destroy them (and no – I have no fucking idea why anyone would want to spend time (and money ha ha) in this sort of exercise.)

It seems that you can –

Immediately everyone took to ripping, washing and ironing them to prove the Bank wrong.

Now chemistry professor Martyn Poliakoff has shown it can be done, with the appliance of science.

All it takes is a flask of liquid nitrogen, a lump hammer and a little expertise, to make yourself instantly £5 poorer.

“There have been all sorts of advertisements that you cannot break them,” the Nottingham University academic said. “I felt immediately challenged.”



This bloke’s a professor for fuck’s sake! This puts him alongside the Premiership footballer who used to light his fags with a £20 – and even his own team mates called him ‘Village’.

I just hope that the Prof stuffed one of the £50,000 jobbies into the acid – that would serve him right.

If you really want to know how to get rid of a bunch of fivers double quick – come out on the piss with me and Harro sometime.


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