It seems I need to make an apology (again!) – a couple of days ago I suggested that James O’Connor and Ali Williams were being monumentally stupid for (allegedly) trying to buy a load of cocaine.
I was totally unaware of the miracle medical benefits of stuffing white powder up your hooter.
It turns out that cocaine is really useful and should be used early in the week to help players through heavy training sessions.
I’m not making this up –
Christian Bagate, a former head of the French Rugby Federation medical commission, spoke of “the Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday corticosteroid-cocaine cocktail”.
The potent mix apparently helps a player through heavy training sessions at the start of the week to be ready for a match at the weekend.
Obviously Ali and James just ‘tripped’ out to get a couple of bags so that they could be ready to train at their maximum on the Monday. They were out at 3 am because they were worried that they didn’t have enough to ‘fix’ their recovery before training started.
You might be wondering about the risk of getting nabbed in a drug test – no worries, Mr Bagate has thought of that –
“If it is taken on Monday, the body can quickly eliminate traces, ahead of any weekend doping tests.
Bagate said cocaine had “a stimulating, non-inhibiting property”.
Even the bloke who advises the French Anti-Doping Agency is on board –
Xavier Bigard, scientific advisor to the French Anti-Doping Agency, added his thoughts, “Cocaine boosts performance by increasing alertness, reactivity and aggressiveness.”
So, that’s alright then eh?
Xavier did say however –
Athletes under the influence of cocaine were 20 times more likely to suffer sudden death than the average consumer. He also said the addictive nature of cocaine was a concern.
Still – I can’t see what all the fuss is about – have a snort late on Sunday and you’ll be ready to ‘rock’ at training. And the silly sods demanding you wee in a bottle won’t know you were completely off your face last Tuesday.
Rumour has it that Christian has just signed a recording contract – his debut single is going to be –
“I’d like to teach the world to snort”