Have you ever wondered when watching rugby on TV what all those blokes looking at laptops are doing?
The camera often swings round to see them peering studiously at the screens and talking surreptitiously into a head mike.
Well, wonder no more – the Planet Rugby site has published this handy guide to what is going on –
It seems that gone are the days when the only thing the coach did during a match was to shout out “for fuck’s sake tackle you bastards” or “Stevie Wonder could do a better job ref!”
Now everything players do is monitored, including spotting when they are a bit shagged out and need a blow – that’s slang for a rest not shorthand for a blow job (I imagine they’d always want one of those).
Personally I am not convinced by the explanation that they are constantly watching the game – I suspect they are actually playing battleships, ordering a chicken madras for halftime or more than likely watching some porn. If they want my expert opinion ‘Debbie does Dallas’ would be a good choice.
My other thought is that if they are watching everything on the screen instead of looking at the ‘live’ action on the pitch then why don’t they let me have their ticket – especially as it looks like they are in a prime seat.
Which reminds me of a couple of jokes –
A bloke was watching a Six Nations game at Twickenham. The only empty seat in the stadium was the one next to him
“Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind.
“I got the ticket for my wife,”
“Doesn’t she like rugby?”
“Oh yeah, but she died recently”
“Wouldn’t one of the family have liked to come?.”
“You’d think so wouldn’t you – but they’ve all gone to the funeral.”
And this true story Bob Monkhouse told about Tommy Cooper at the Royal Variety show when he was introduced to the queen –
“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” Tommy asked.
“No, ………” replied the Queen, “…but I might not be able to give you a full answer.”
“Do you like football?” asked Tommy.
“Well not really” said the Queen.’
“In that case, …” said Tommy, “….do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'”